Dear sir:

Here’s the thing- I would like to go home with you, like you asked earlier. I would like to go to your place and fall asleep next to you, no worries about sex… But the thing is, you’ve been texting someone all night long, ever since you sat down to dinner really, and it’s more than slightly insulting. I think you should be able to pay attention to me for more than a few minutes of you want my company for the rest of the night.